A Blank Canvas

Last night was one of those rare nights when I just couldn’t sleep. I kept tossing and turning, unable to relax my mind and body enough to drift off. Inevitably, I started assessing how far I’ve come on my journey to connectedness – almost a month now into the new year.

Suffice it to say, I’m just grateful for the eleven months I have left.

I seem to be continuing a lot of the same habits and routines I’ve had for years. It’s the endless “doing” (the errand running, grocery shopping, bill paying, house cleaning, appointment making and keeping) that really gets me. These things seem to comprise much of my free time and leave connecting with others and building relationships on the back burner. At least that’s been one of my excuses as to where my energy goes.

How can I expect to create anything different when I keep doing (and not doing) the same things? I’m reminded of that famous saying about what doing the same thing but expecting a different result leads to.

So, rather than go down that path, around 3 a.m., I got to thinking about a blank canvas and how this could represent connection in my life. It’s a blank canvas that I get to cut, color, and texturize any way I like. But, it’ll stay the same (look and feel no different) if I keep showing up the same way. With this analogy in mind, I’m like a child at play.

One of my favorite pastimes to engage in with others is playing board games. How many game nights would I like to host at my place? How do I want to adorn this part of my canvas? I figured two or three a year would be fantastic. And all different types of games, I’ll mix it up each time.

I love weekend getaways (to places like Santa Barbara for nature and Las Vegas for the concerts and shows) but seem to rarely do them. Hmmm, what do I want this corner of my canvas to look like? Again, I figure three times a year with family or friends would create some very memorable connection in my life.

There’s more, but I think you get the picture. My canvas is really taking shape – becoming a unique work of art. Now I get to create the space to have these experiences in the midst of all my “doing.” This’ll take some conscious adjustment on my part – I just hope this doesn’t keep me up at night.

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Closet Reflections

I’ve been thinking a whole lot about my wardrobe. I have a good-sized closet that’s really quite plentiful. Yet too often when I’m getting ready to go on a date and stand before a sea of garments, I have that sinking “I have nothing to wear” feeling. Contrast that with my professional / career wardrobe. I could easily put together different outfits for several weeks of office attire, and probably not wear the same piece twice.

How did things get so out of balance? Perhaps this is a glaring example of where I’ve unconsciously – or consciously – placed more emphasis over the years.

Time to bring a little equilibrium to these two, very important parts of my life. Besides, some new ensembles will surely give this soon to be super connected woman an added boost of confidence. Like just about every other woman out there on the planet, when I look good, I feel good.

So, on my next trip to New York & Company, I’ll be looking through the “dating” lens as I check out their new fashions. I’m excited just imagining it. I think a whole new world is opening up for me here.

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The Gaze

My ex-boyfriend of all people gave me a really good idea about striking up a potential connection with a date. And, it’s so out of my comfort zone, I just may have to try it.

Of course, I’ve heard about making eye contact and holding the gaze of someone you find attractive – it’s just something I’ve never been able to do. I always get embarrassed and look away, and then look back 10 seconds later*.  I’ve never been the forward type, and besides, isn’t a little shyness attractive? Apparently not, because this strategy has never worked for me. Indeed, not once has the object of my attention approached me.

So over dinner tonight Roger mentioned a relationship expert and author named Dr. Pat Allen who recommends gazing into the eyes of someone you find attractive for a full five seconds – not three and a half or four, but five, long, heart-pounding, time-stopping seconds.

Here’s the precise passage from the book written by Dr. Allen and Sandra Harmon called, Getting To “I Do.”

“Catching a man’s eye for two or three seconds is quite normal. It’s when you continue to look at him for the fourth and fifth second that you indicate you’re interested. You choose him, then attract him to you.”

That actually makes a whole lot of sense. I just hope I remember to breathe.

* All the while hoping he’s still looking at me.

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Soothing Connection

It begins today! The official chronicle of my journey, that is. I’m excited imagining what this year will bring, but also a little nervous at the thought of being so vulnerable, so exposed with my thoughts and feelings. I’m opening myself up by creating this blog, but ultimately I’ve decided it’s worth it. I hope others can relate to my story, and find some inspiration for their lives as well.

We’re all the same deep down inside. We want to be seen, to be known, to be accepted for who we truly are, to make an impact on other people’s lives, and – I believe – to be in connection with those around us, for this is what brings the most joy.

So, to start things off, today I made a point of declaring “Happy New Year” to unfamiliar faces I encountered throughout my day. Most people responded cheerfully and wished me the same, with one exception. An older woman didn’t acknowledge me in any way. I was taken back. Did she not hear me? I was plenty loud enough. She must have been in her own world at that moment, I decided. Whatever was going on with her, I’m sure it wasn’t anything that a little connection couldn’t soothe.

 

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Welcome to Connected Karen

Welcome to my blog! Thank you for joining me as I chronicle my journey from a human being too often separate and solitary, to a truly connected woman – who sinks into and relishes close connections in every area of her life.

This has been a long time in the making.

I have a tendency – or more of a habit I’ve developed and mastered over many years – of distancing myself from others.

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