Second Date

Sometimes I feel like a really bad dater. Now that I’ve re-focused my intention in 2014 on relationships, I’m meeting plenty of men (many through online dating). It’s my second date percentage that’s rather atrocious. It’s not because I’m not being asked out again (well, more often than not, but certainly not every time – I believe in total authenticity, after all), but because I regularly turn down these requests.

“I really don’t think we’re a match, but I wish you all the best,” is an oft-repeated phrase from me. What’s wrong with these men? It’s not that they were terribly rude, used foul language, or left for a smoke break in the middle of our first date. Rather, I rejected them because, in my mind, I didn’t feel enough of a connection.

Now, as a woman, I know that connection can grow over time (it has for me in the past). So why do I often shut the door after a one-hour meeting at Starbucks? I’m really sensitive about leading a guy on if I’m not really attracted to him. I think this goes back to the whole authenticity thing. But maybe, just maybe, I’m being a little premature?

Enter a Valentine’s Day article in The Orange County Register about the topic of love, called “The science of love: it’s really about your brain.” The article cites numerous statistics related to love and romance. Here’s the one that really caught my eye:

Long-term couples who claim to have fallen in love at first sight: 11%

(Now, I’m not sure if this figure represented the initial feelings of just one or both partners, but, the point is, that’s low – a lot lower, in fact, than I would have expected.) This means only one in 10 people (or slightly more to be exact) had butterflies in their stomach, dilated pupils, and a rapid heartbeat when meeting their future partner for the first time.

Eighty-nine percent of people (or couples) didn’t! For these folks, the connection obviously grew over time. My takeaway from all of this? Unless a man actually does one of those things referenced earlier in this blog, say yes to a second date . . . and maybe even a third.

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