A Silver Lining

Barbara. Troy. Ivan. These are just a few of my neighbors I met this year. In some instances, we’ve been living just yards apart for years, but never crossed paths, let alone connected on any level. And while our interactions consisted mostly of 5 or 10-minute conversations, the point is I went out of my way this year to meet folks whom I would not have previously. I stepped beyond the boundary of my attached garage and onto the common ground we share as neighbors. I liked seeing myself as the source of neighborly connection – both for myself and for others – and I know I’ll carry this forward, wherever I may live.

Reflecting on this brings a smile to my face, as connection took somewhat of a back seat for me the latter half of this year.

It seems I spent more time in hospitals and doctor’s offices than consciously focused on creating more connection in my life. Both my parents had challenging years health-wise, culminating with my Mom’s major stroke in early November. My priority has been making sure they’re getting the best care possible. While it’s been time – and energy – consuming, I wouldn’t have it any other way. In unexpected ways, perhaps, I’ve been creating lots of connection with doctors, nurses, and therapists, so there’s a silver lining to this.

My challenge for this coming new year is to continue building on the personal connection goals I set forth at the beginning of 2014. Looking forward to seeing what unfolds. My very best wishes to you for a healthy, joyous, and well connected New Year!

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Disconnection 101

It dawned on me the other day that I would be really good at giving instruction in something I would never want to teach.

If for some crazy reason I was enlisted to teach someone how to be disconnected – to give lessons on keeping their distance from others – I could put the curriculum together in a snap. In Disconnection 101, I would simply tell them to think a lot of the same thoughts and follow a lot of the same routines I had – notice the use of the past tense – for years. These include:

Wait for others to call/email/text you with invitations – be it for a meal, a movie, a party, you name it. Behind every invitation, there’s someone extending and someone receiving. Avoid the former. After all, if others wanted to be in connection with you, and enjoy the pleasure of your company, they would surely reach out.

Focus on what you don’t have in common with friends and family members so you feel justified about keeping your distance. Remind yourself that you’re a different person than you were years ago and that you’ve simply just “grown apart” from many of them. (While they’ve remained the same.)

Live alone. Don’t get a dog. Dodge your neighbors. The occasional obligatory smile and wave is fine, but don’t strike up a conversation about their son who just left for college or the new farm to plate restaurant that opened up across the street. And by all means, don’t invite them over for a meal. What are you thinking?

Remember some of those words you use to describe yourself, like shy or introverted – those labels that often developed in childhood and have continued for years? Well, you’ll want to continue to self-identify with them. Give them lots of meaning to support you in remaining disengaged from others. These labels can be your best friends, so keep them in your back pocket at all times.

Limit sharing and risking in interpersonal conversation. When you share what you like / don’t like or your personal beliefs about a topic, you risk judgment and rejection. On the flip side, if you suppress your thoughts and feelings, it’s much more difficult for someone to get close to you – the real you.

Can you relate to any of these? If so, I invite you to join with me on the journey to making them part of your past.

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Soothing Connection

It begins today! The official chronicle of my journey, that is. I’m excited imagining what this year will bring, but also a little nervous at the thought of being so vulnerable, so exposed with my thoughts and feelings. I’m opening myself up by creating this blog, but ultimately I’ve decided it’s worth it. I hope others can relate to my story, and find some inspiration for their lives as well.

We’re all the same deep down inside. We want to be seen, to be known, to be accepted for who we truly are, to make an impact on other people’s lives, and – I believe – to be in connection with those around us, for this is what brings the most joy.

So, to start things off, today I made a point of declaring “Happy New Year” to unfamiliar faces I encountered throughout my day. Most people responded cheerfully and wished me the same, with one exception. An older woman didn’t acknowledge me in any way. I was taken back. Did she not hear me? I was plenty loud enough. She must have been in her own world at that moment, I decided. Whatever was going on with her, I’m sure it wasn’t anything that a little connection couldn’t soothe.

 

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Welcome to Connected Karen

Welcome to my blog! Thank you for joining me as I chronicle my journey from a human being too often separate and solitary, to a truly connected woman – who sinks into and relishes close connections in every area of her life.

This has been a long time in the making.

I have a tendency – or more of a habit I’ve developed and mastered over many years – of distancing myself from others.

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