What the Egg Knows

Here’s a little factoid about the birds and the bees that’s common knowledge. I probably first learned it at some point in junior high school, but its significance was lost on me – until now. The sperm chases the egg. Not only does the sperm chase the egg, but it goes through a major obstacle course of sorts, traveling long distances through difficult terrain in vehement pursuit of one goal.

And what is the egg doing during this whole time? Even with my limited knowledge of biology I can safely say, nothing. Not a darn thing. The egg is simply being an egg, and it magically attracts.

This is nature at its finest. And it’s worked really well—for how many years, I’m really not sure, but let’s just say a gazillion.

Now, there’s a lot I can extrapolate from this and apply to my dating life and my desire to create loving connection with a beloved partner.

If I take a closer look at this tiny cell, I realize it has a big lesson to offer. The egg knows its worth, gets that it’s the prize, and stays grounded in this knowledge. Does the egg worry about being chosen, or fret trying to convince sperm how interesting or great it is? Does the egg fear a shortage of sperm or have to work at convincing a sperm cell to commit? I think not. Again, it has unshakeable faith in its value, and the sperm (a whole bunch of them) are naturally drawn to it.

If more women tapped into this God-given wisdom of the egg when looking to manifest love, games and manipulation may not be a thing of the past, but would greatly diminish. And dating, I’m convinced, would be a much more graceful process for both genders.

I don’t want to sound conceited, but there’s a new level of freedom that comes from just re-awakening to my worth as a woman — and letting go of thinking I need to do something different, something more to make myself more attractive to men. (On the flip side, a man tapping into his innate desire to be a hero, whatever that may look like, is frankly, irresistible.)

So, in summary, there’s a lot to learn from Mother Nature, and I’m thankful for awakening to this powerful lesson.

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My Superpower

Just for fun, several months back my friend Vanessa and I decided to hold a contest. We agreed to challenge each other to see who could go on the most dates before Valentine’s Day. It was meant as a fun way to motivate each other since we both desired to start a new relationship.

Now, we both were doing the online dating thing, and I assumed that most of our dates for this competition would come from this method. That’s why I was completely taken back when Vanessa said she was going to de-activate her online membership.

“I think it’ll be more challenging to meet guys in real life,” she said. More challenging? Now that’s an understatement I thought to myself. I froze for a moment just considering how I might take on such a thing. I so rarely meet single, available men in real life anymore, I wouldn’t know where to begin.

Well, that was several months ago, and I’m happy to report that things have changed. I’ve since read Getting to “I Do,” by Dr. Pat Allen and Sandra Harmon (the book referenced in my Jan. 6 post, The Gaze).

I’ve been practicing the five-second flirting technique mentioned in that book — making eye contact for five seconds with single men I find attractive, combining that with a smile, and voila! I feel like I have this magical power that I never knew about.

Every man I’ve practiced this with (granted only three so far, but counting), has approached me and started a conversation. Now, I may have discovered once we started talking that we had very little in common, but that’s beside the point, right? For now, I get to keep practicing, and having fun in the process. Who knows? Next time could be the genesis of an amazing connection.

For all you single ladies, hear me out – this technique works! Take note of what I’ve found to be an untapped superpower, bring to life this dormant potential within, and take pleasure in practicing.

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Second Date

Sometimes I feel like a really bad dater. Now that I’ve re-focused my intention in 2014 on relationships, I’m meeting plenty of men (many through online dating). It’s my second date percentage that’s rather atrocious. It’s not because I’m not being asked out again (well, more often than not, but certainly not every time – I believe in total authenticity, after all), but because I regularly turn down these requests.

“I really don’t think we’re a match, but I wish you all the best,” is an oft-repeated phrase from me. What’s wrong with these men? It’s not that they were terribly rude, used foul language, or left for a smoke break in the middle of our first date. Rather, I rejected them because, in my mind, I didn’t feel enough of a connection.

Now, as a woman, I know that connection can grow over time (it has for me in the past). So why do I often shut the door after a one-hour meeting at Starbucks? I’m really sensitive about leading a guy on if I’m not really attracted to him. I think this goes back to the whole authenticity thing. But maybe, just maybe, I’m being a little premature?

Enter a Valentine’s Day article in The Orange County Register about the topic of love, called “The science of love: it’s really about your brain.” The article cites numerous statistics related to love and romance. Here’s the one that really caught my eye:

Long-term couples who claim to have fallen in love at first sight: 11%

(Now, I’m not sure if this figure represented the initial feelings of just one or both partners, but, the point is, that’s low – a lot lower, in fact, than I would have expected.) This means only one in 10 people (or slightly more to be exact) had butterflies in their stomach, dilated pupils, and a rapid heartbeat when meeting their future partner for the first time.

Eighty-nine percent of people (or couples) didn’t! For these folks, the connection obviously grew over time. My takeaway from all of this? Unless a man actually does one of those things referenced earlier in this blog, say yes to a second date . . . and maybe even a third.

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Closet Reflections

I’ve been thinking a whole lot about my wardrobe. I have a good-sized closet that’s really quite plentiful. Yet too often when I’m getting ready to go on a date and stand before a sea of garments, I have that sinking “I have nothing to wear” feeling. Contrast that with my professional / career wardrobe. I could easily put together different outfits for several weeks of office attire, and probably not wear the same piece twice.

How did things get so out of balance? Perhaps this is a glaring example of where I’ve unconsciously – or consciously – placed more emphasis over the years.

Time to bring a little equilibrium to these two, very important parts of my life. Besides, some new ensembles will surely give this soon to be super connected woman an added boost of confidence. Like just about every other woman out there on the planet, when I look good, I feel good.

So, on my next trip to New York & Company, I’ll be looking through the “dating” lens as I check out their new fashions. I’m excited just imagining it. I think a whole new world is opening up for me here.

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The Gaze

My ex-boyfriend of all people gave me a really good idea about striking up a potential connection with a date. And, it’s so out of my comfort zone, I just may have to try it.

Of course, I’ve heard about making eye contact and holding the gaze of someone you find attractive – it’s just something I’ve never been able to do. I always get embarrassed and look away, and then look back 10 seconds later*.  I’ve never been the forward type, and besides, isn’t a little shyness attractive? Apparently not, because this strategy has never worked for me. Indeed, not once has the object of my attention approached me.

So over dinner tonight Roger mentioned a relationship expert and author named Dr. Pat Allen who recommends gazing into the eyes of someone you find attractive for a full five seconds – not three and a half or four, but five, long, heart-pounding, time-stopping seconds.

Here’s the precise passage from the book written by Dr. Allen and Sandra Harmon called, Getting To “I Do.”

“Catching a man’s eye for two or three seconds is quite normal. It’s when you continue to look at him for the fourth and fifth second that you indicate you’re interested. You choose him, then attract him to you.”

That actually makes a whole lot of sense. I just hope I remember to breathe.

* All the while hoping he’s still looking at me.

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