Not My Fate

There’s no place like home, as the saying goes, so, it naturally follows that one’s living space can be an ideal environment in which to create lots of connection.

I recently took an inventory of my home to see how well it supported my intention of creating greater connection in my life. While there were a number of things I felt I was doing well (I had plenty of plates, glasses, and utensils – and several guest towels, too), not unexpectedly, I also found some areas that could use attention.

Here are a few things I discovered that were unconsciously supporting my habits around disconnection:

• I had placed items (mail, books, my computer) on every chair of my dining room table except one, leaving room for only one person to sit – me.

• I purchased a sofa bed several years ago for a possible overnight guest, but never bothered to acquire any sheets.

• I was keeping my place “just untidy” enough to keep others away and to discourage invitations to visit – not wanting to put the time and energy into cleaning myself nor commit to a house-cleaning service on a regular basis.

Was I surprised? Not really. I was taken back more by something deeper than what I saw – how some things that were previously obscured can be so obvious once brought into my conscious awareness.

My favorite quote around this goes like this: “That which remains unconscious appears as fate.” – Carl Jung (according to my sources)

I hope you enjoy pondering this quote as much as I have.

As for me, I’ve happily made changes to my home environment. In fact, I’ve got to go get ready. I’m expecting some guests tonight.

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A Blank Canvas

Last night was one of those rare nights when I just couldn’t sleep. I kept tossing and turning, unable to relax my mind and body enough to drift off. Inevitably, I started assessing how far I’ve come on my journey to connectedness – almost a month now into the new year.

Suffice it to say, I’m just grateful for the eleven months I have left.

I seem to be continuing a lot of the same habits and routines I’ve had for years. It’s the endless “doing” (the errand running, grocery shopping, bill paying, house cleaning, appointment making and keeping) that really gets me. These things seem to comprise much of my free time and leave connecting with others and building relationships on the back burner. At least that’s been one of my excuses as to where my energy goes.

How can I expect to create anything different when I keep doing (and not doing) the same things? I’m reminded of that famous saying about what doing the same thing but expecting a different result leads to.

So, rather than go down that path, around 3 a.m., I got to thinking about a blank canvas and how this could represent connection in my life. It’s a blank canvas that I get to cut, color, and texturize any way I like. But, it’ll stay the same (look and feel no different) if I keep showing up the same way. With this analogy in mind, I’m like a child at play.

One of my favorite pastimes to engage in with others is playing board games. How many game nights would I like to host at my place? How do I want to adorn this part of my canvas? I figured two or three a year would be fantastic. And all different types of games, I’ll mix it up each time.

I love weekend getaways (to places like Santa Barbara for nature and Las Vegas for the concerts and shows) but seem to rarely do them. Hmmm, what do I want this corner of my canvas to look like? Again, I figure three times a year with family or friends would create some very memorable connection in my life.

There’s more, but I think you get the picture. My canvas is really taking shape – becoming a unique work of art. Now I get to create the space to have these experiences in the midst of all my “doing.” This’ll take some conscious adjustment on my part – I just hope this doesn’t keep me up at night.

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