The Gaze

My ex-boyfriend of all people gave me a really good idea about striking up a potential connection with a date. And, it’s so out of my comfort zone, I just may have to try it.

Of course, I’ve heard about making eye contact and holding the gaze of someone you find attractive – it’s just something I’ve never been able to do. I always get embarrassed and look away, and then look back 10 seconds later*.  I’ve never been the forward type, and besides, isn’t a little shyness attractive? Apparently not, because this strategy has never worked for me. Indeed, not once has the object of my attention approached me.

So over dinner tonight Roger mentioned a relationship expert and author named Dr. Pat Allen who recommends gazing into the eyes of someone you find attractive for a full five seconds – not three and a half or four, but five, long, heart-pounding, time-stopping seconds.

Here’s the precise passage from the book written by Dr. Allen and Sandra Harmon called, Getting To “I Do.”

“Catching a man’s eye for two or three seconds is quite normal. It’s when you continue to look at him for the fourth and fifth second that you indicate you’re interested. You choose him, then attract him to you.”

That actually makes a whole lot of sense. I just hope I remember to breathe.

* All the while hoping he’s still looking at me.

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Soothing Connection

It begins today! The official chronicle of my journey, that is. I’m excited imagining what this year will bring, but also a little nervous at the thought of being so vulnerable, so exposed with my thoughts and feelings. I’m opening myself up by creating this blog, but ultimately I’ve decided it’s worth it. I hope others can relate to my story, and find some inspiration for their lives as well.

We’re all the same deep down inside. We want to be seen, to be known, to be accepted for who we truly are, to make an impact on other people’s lives, and – I believe – to be in connection with those around us, for this is what brings the most joy.

So, to start things off, today I made a point of declaring “Happy New Year” to unfamiliar faces I encountered throughout my day. Most people responded cheerfully and wished me the same, with one exception. An older woman didn’t acknowledge me in any way. I was taken back. Did she not hear me? I was plenty loud enough. She must have been in her own world at that moment, I decided. Whatever was going on with her, I’m sure it wasn’t anything that a little connection couldn’t soothe.

 

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