What the Egg Knows

Here’s a little factoid about the birds and the bees that’s common knowledge. I probably first learned it at some point in junior high school, but its significance was lost on me – until now. The sperm chases the egg. Not only does the sperm chase the egg, but it goes through a major obstacle course of sorts, traveling long distances through difficult terrain in vehement pursuit of one goal.

And what is the egg doing during this whole time? Even with my limited knowledge of biology I can safely say, nothing. Not a darn thing. The egg is simply being an egg, and it magically attracts.

This is nature at its finest. And it’s worked really well—for how many years, I’m really not sure, but let’s just say a gazillion.

Now, there’s a lot I can extrapolate from this and apply to my dating life and my desire to create loving connection with a beloved partner.

If I take a closer look at this tiny cell, I realize it has a big lesson to offer. The egg knows its worth, gets that it’s the prize, and stays grounded in this knowledge. Does the egg worry about being chosen, or fret trying to convince sperm how interesting or great it is? Does the egg fear a shortage of sperm or have to work at convincing a sperm cell to commit? I think not. Again, it has unshakeable faith in its value, and the sperm (a whole bunch of them) are naturally drawn to it.

If more women tapped into this God-given wisdom of the egg when looking to manifest love, games and manipulation may not be a thing of the past, but would greatly diminish. And dating, I’m convinced, would be a much more graceful process for both genders.

I don’t want to sound conceited, but there’s a new level of freedom that comes from just re-awakening to my worth as a woman — and letting go of thinking I need to do something different, something more to make myself more attractive to men. (On the flip side, a man tapping into his innate desire to be a hero, whatever that may look like, is frankly, irresistible.)

So, in summary, there’s a lot to learn from Mother Nature, and I’m thankful for awakening to this powerful lesson.

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A Blank Canvas

Last night was one of those rare nights when I just couldn’t sleep. I kept tossing and turning, unable to relax my mind and body enough to drift off. Inevitably, I started assessing how far I’ve come on my journey to connectedness – almost a month now into the new year.

Suffice it to say, I’m just grateful for the eleven months I have left.

I seem to be continuing a lot of the same habits and routines I’ve had for years. It’s the endless “doing” (the errand running, grocery shopping, bill paying, house cleaning, appointment making and keeping) that really gets me. These things seem to comprise much of my free time and leave connecting with others and building relationships on the back burner. At least that’s been one of my excuses as to where my energy goes.

How can I expect to create anything different when I keep doing (and not doing) the same things? I’m reminded of that famous saying about what doing the same thing but expecting a different result leads to.

So, rather than go down that path, around 3 a.m., I got to thinking about a blank canvas and how this could represent connection in my life. It’s a blank canvas that I get to cut, color, and texturize any way I like. But, it’ll stay the same (look and feel no different) if I keep showing up the same way. With this analogy in mind, I’m like a child at play.

One of my favorite pastimes to engage in with others is playing board games. How many game nights would I like to host at my place? How do I want to adorn this part of my canvas? I figured two or three a year would be fantastic. And all different types of games, I’ll mix it up each time.

I love weekend getaways (to places like Santa Barbara for nature and Las Vegas for the concerts and shows) but seem to rarely do them. Hmmm, what do I want this corner of my canvas to look like? Again, I figure three times a year with family or friends would create some very memorable connection in my life.

There’s more, but I think you get the picture. My canvas is really taking shape – becoming a unique work of art. Now I get to create the space to have these experiences in the midst of all my “doing.” This’ll take some conscious adjustment on my part – I just hope this doesn’t keep me up at night.

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The Gaze

My ex-boyfriend of all people gave me a really good idea about striking up a potential connection with a date. And, it’s so out of my comfort zone, I just may have to try it.

Of course, I’ve heard about making eye contact and holding the gaze of someone you find attractive – it’s just something I’ve never been able to do. I always get embarrassed and look away, and then look back 10 seconds later*.  I’ve never been the forward type, and besides, isn’t a little shyness attractive? Apparently not, because this strategy has never worked for me. Indeed, not once has the object of my attention approached me.

So over dinner tonight Roger mentioned a relationship expert and author named Dr. Pat Allen who recommends gazing into the eyes of someone you find attractive for a full five seconds – not three and a half or four, but five, long, heart-pounding, time-stopping seconds.

Here’s the precise passage from the book written by Dr. Allen and Sandra Harmon called, Getting To “I Do.”

“Catching a man’s eye for two or three seconds is quite normal. It’s when you continue to look at him for the fourth and fifth second that you indicate you’re interested. You choose him, then attract him to you.”

That actually makes a whole lot of sense. I just hope I remember to breathe.

* All the while hoping he’s still looking at me.

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Soothing Connection

It begins today! The official chronicle of my journey, that is. I’m excited imagining what this year will bring, but also a little nervous at the thought of being so vulnerable, so exposed with my thoughts and feelings. I’m opening myself up by creating this blog, but ultimately I’ve decided it’s worth it. I hope others can relate to my story, and find some inspiration for their lives as well.

We’re all the same deep down inside. We want to be seen, to be known, to be accepted for who we truly are, to make an impact on other people’s lives, and – I believe – to be in connection with those around us, for this is what brings the most joy.

So, to start things off, today I made a point of declaring “Happy New Year” to unfamiliar faces I encountered throughout my day. Most people responded cheerfully and wished me the same, with one exception. An older woman didn’t acknowledge me in any way. I was taken back. Did she not hear me? I was plenty loud enough. She must have been in her own world at that moment, I decided. Whatever was going on with her, I’m sure it wasn’t anything that a little connection couldn’t soothe.

 

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Welcome to Connected Karen

Welcome to my blog! Thank you for joining me as I chronicle my journey from a human being too often separate and solitary, to a truly connected woman – who sinks into and relishes close connections in every area of her life.

This has been a long time in the making.

I have a tendency – or more of a habit I’ve developed and mastered over many years – of distancing myself from others.

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